I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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