There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I cockslap morals
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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