oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
