Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
