I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
third nipple confirmed
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
