So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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