i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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