I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
