Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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