At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
