he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
