just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
