This is not my ceiling
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
