i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
