My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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