I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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