he puts the penis in happiness.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
