I wish I could punch you in the face.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
