PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
