Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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