Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
