If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
