So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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