operation have a gay friend backfired
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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