what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize