so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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