I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
