I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
