Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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