We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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