I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
