i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
