I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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