I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
