Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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