allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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