Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
