Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
