And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
