shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
