I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
