it wasn't lemon gatorade
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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