this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
