Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
