I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
