apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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