My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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