he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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