I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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