seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
