when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
