OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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