Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's blow job season.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
