I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
