Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you win again, gameday.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
