did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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