All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
