id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
