why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
bring money and cleavage
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
