if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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