Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
