I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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