I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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