sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
