so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize