She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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