So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
