I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
