i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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