your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
